im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
