She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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