You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
