Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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