You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
