Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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