Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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