youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
