I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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