if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
