Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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