What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
