I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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