i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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