Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
