I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
