i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
