Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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