He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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