Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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