Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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