ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
