you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
