what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
