Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
