i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
