i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
