we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
