I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
