I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
