I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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