I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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