I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
