I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
