Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
