Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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