YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
