is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
we should paint friendship bongs
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