You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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