chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
