Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Life is so much better after having sex.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
