fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wish my penis had a tongue
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
