can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
