Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
