On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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