we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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