I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
