You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
