you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
