He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
