and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I fill condoms, not promises.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
